What Newcastle are up to.

I think I’ve figured out what Newcastle are up to. At this moment they are approaching pole position for entry to Europe’s unashamed money fight. As Chelsea and Spurs teeter about like children atop one anothers shoulders pretending to be adults, Newcastle slowly emerge from the fog on the Tyne like some sort of present day Captain Willard, wild eyed and daubed in striped camouflage, the scent of death in his nostrils.

They have looked into the abyss for many seasons now. Maybe the abyss has taken a shine to them? Whatever is happening, and it’s not Moneyball because Liverpool have tried that and it obviously doesn’t work, the rest of the league should fret. Krul, Cabaye, Tiote, Ben Arfa, Ba and Cisse are the soldiers manning Willard’s boat this time and instead of being driven to insane distraction by the void at the middle of a vacuous Premier League they are flourishing.

Tiote slices through midfield like a machete. Cabaye slings long passes like arrows from a long bow. Ba and Cisse take turns being the most prolific marksmen in Premier League history. Ben Arfa just tore the entire Bolton squad in half.

As a Liverpool fan curled up in foetal position covering my ears I have this reaction to share with you: The horror, the horror....

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